Dear Quinn,
by californcari
Summary: In which Puck writes Quinn a letter a year later from the aircraft carrier he's stationed at in the air force, explaining his struggle with Finn's death and his real reason behind joining the air force. (Puck/Quinn, Quick, One-shot, with mentions of Rachel, Kurt, and Beth)


**IMPORTANT:** So, just a quick little note that is important if you want to understand how to read this, so as everyone knows fan fiction doesn't support the strikethrough format, (the writing with the line through it to make it look like it's crossed out) Okay, so in this one-shot as a replacement for the strikethrough, I used the underlining format. Okay? Okay. Oh and one more thing, I know the producers didn't tell us exactly how Finn died, so I just made up that he died in a car crash and Puck was sitting in the passenger seat, that's all you need to know for this fanfic to make sense. Also this is my first glee fic, so if I wrote something that doesn't make sense, please message me. Enjoy!

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_Dear Quinn,_

_Damn it's weird to write your name again, __God who says that? Okay, so you're probably wondering why I'm sending you letters like its the freaking 1940's—_

_well our internet server here sucks and I don't want to fight over an ancient piece of crap computer. __I don't really know what to __ Okay, you know, fuck this. _

_I'm writing to you for a reason,__ and that reason is __ I think you know why. It's kinda scary how you know me better than I know myself—or did. It's been _

_almost a year Quinn. I know this sounds like total bullshit, but I can't believe it. I can't believe I've made it to almost a year without him. I don't like to think_

_about him or the past anymore, but what's scares me even more is the future. __I don't know how to really live anymore. __ Well, I do __I don't know.__ Around the_

_first couple of nights there these guys shared their story, like, who they were here for, why they joined and all that crap. And when it came to me, I had _

_nothing to say. __The truth is I don't really know __ I thought I didn't know, and I don't really want to write you lies, I'm writing this to finally get the truth out,_

_and truth is, I think I joined the air force not for him, but because of him. I didn't really know how to live, how to go on in life after his death. __I had nothing to _

_do but sit on my ass all day and let the past haunt me. __God, listen to me, I must sound like a total pussy. It should've been me Quinn. I know you'll hate me_

_for saying this, but, it's the truth, what do I have to offer the world? Nothing, shitless nothing. I'm not a good guy like he was—hell I'm like his fucking_

_opposite. I used to not give a shit about anything but myself, __and now all __ I should've been driving that night. I should've died—It should've been me. We _

_were so stupid Quinn.__ I don't know what got over __ I keep reliving those last moments in my head before the accident. All I can remember is his dopey smile _

_before the lights from the car that hit us came glaring in. He was so happy. I keep thinking, how could this happen to someone so good like him, and not me? _

_I didn't fe __That was my last memory of him alive, driving that car, blasting music, dancing badly with one fist in the air, smile on his face. I miss him Quinn. I _

_miss him so fucking badly—and I've blocked all my emotions for the last couple of months, you know me. I handled this pretty much as you'd guess. Bottled _

_everything up and avoided it, only, it was harder this time. __Sorry I wrote this I prob __ No, I had to write this, I know it isn't very Puckerman of me to send you_

_this, but I have to. I can't keep living with all this guilt inside—it's funny, I came here to get away from all the mourning and sadness, but when I got here, _

_and I started doing all sorts of good stuff, I felt like I was honoring him in some way, and in someway, it was still all about him. And I still feel that way. I_

_don't think I'll be coming home anytime soon, but I gotta tell you this. I saw Beth right before I left—I had to, __I don't know why__ God, I have to stop with all _

_this I don't know crap, cause I do. I missed her, I missed you, and I thought maybe taking a dive in the past would help somehow. And it did, but only for a _

_little while. God she's so grown up now, she bigger too.__ I think that's the same thin __She has your eyes—now that I think about it, she looks just like you, the_

_only thing, I think, she got from me was my rockin' attitude. They live in New York, you should visit them. I know you and Shelby weren't really on good terms_

_you guys last saw each other but don't worry about that. I think it'll be good for you, but then again I don't always know whats best for myself so taking my _

_advice might not be the best thing… Look I know this is thing came out of nowhere and everything, and I'm not waiting for a reply or anything, but I just want _

_to know you're okay. Oh and if you see Berry or Lady Hummel, give them my best. When I was in New York, __I don't know__ I didn't want to visit, everything _

_was all still pretty recent, and me showing up there unannounced would only open up fresh wounds or whatever you say. __Don't tell them I said that.__ I just _

_didn't want to be a bother. Wow, look at me, god I'm a freaking mess. Since when do I care about crap like that? __So, I've been You know-__ I'm just gonna end _

_this right here, this thing is already pretty long and I'm sure you'd rather be doing a million other things than reading this right now. Good luck with that _

_professor dude or whatever, I hope he treats you right._

_ —Puck_


End file.
